i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
