i don't like sucking hair
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
