Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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