it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize