You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
