I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she looked like the before picture.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
