guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize