Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
