you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
