another moral hangover. fuck.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
