that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
