having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
