its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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