her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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