whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
