I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
