Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
