ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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