Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
