Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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