I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
