Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize