I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
