I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
