i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
