hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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