i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
