when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
