Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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