that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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