This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
