My cat gives me a boner
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
