Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
