By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
