You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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