He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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