Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
