i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
