Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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