Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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