Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My feet surprised me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
