I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
