She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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