Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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