I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
