The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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