it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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