You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
