Me too!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
