Pappa wants mamma naked
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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