it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
