A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You're like the curious george of whores
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
