If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
