All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
