you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
