the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
