Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please don't give away my fajitas
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
