woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
