Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
