wanna go halves on a baby?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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