The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
