My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize