Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
