That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
