after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
