suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
