these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
