there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
