you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
