I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
