my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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